Everything About Me Is Fake...And I'm Perfect
Janice Dickinson
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Buy *Everything About Me Is Fake...And I'm Perfect* online

Everything About Me Is Fake...And I'm Perfect
Janice Dickinson
320 pages
January 2005
rated 3 of 5 possible stars

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Anyone who knows her, either from her appearances on America’s Next Top Model or her years of modeling, knows Janice Dickinson is quite the character. Tough-talking and audacious, Janice, who claims to be the world’s first supermodel, has led a wild, out-of-control life. Apparently (though I can’t say for certain since I haven’t read it), Janice discussed much of her life in her first autobiographical book entitled No Lifeguard On Duty. Her second book, Everything About Me is Fake…And I’m Perfect! deals more with catty stories about celebrities she’s known through the years and tips on becoming as perfect as she is—with mixed results.

Janice’s second book is at its best when Janice is telling her many amusing and bitchy stories about other celebrities. She’s got catty things to say about Mick Jagger, Sylvester Stallone, Jerry Hall, Kimmora Lee Simmons (another judge on America’s Next Top Model) and many, many more. Who knows if all (or any) of these stories are really true or not, but they are fun to read about. No matter how much we want to deny it, it’s always interesting to get insider dirt on celebrities who seem to be so perfect. Unfortunately, Janice feels she’s more qualified to give out beauty, weight, self-esteem and every other conceivable type of advice to the readers than she is to tell catty stories because the advice sections far outweigh the other, much more readable, parts.

Janice deems herself the authority on eating, exercising, self-esteem, plastic surgery, relations with men and many other subjects, most often with annoying (and impractical) results. Who wants eating advice from a woman who admits she spent twenty years starving herself and abusing laxatives to stay skinny? And who wants relationship advice from a woman who has been divorced three times and whose suggestion to women who spend their grocery money on clothes is to tell their husband they’ve been mugged and robbed? Although some of the advice does make sense, a lot of it is pretty hard to swallow, especially when you consider the source.

Janice doesn’t help herself with her writing style, which has more than the usual number of annoying quirks. The first is that Janice just can’t stop referring to herself as ‘the world’s first supermodel’ and The Big Dog. Even if the supermodel part were true (and there is plenty of evidence to suggest that Janice certainly was not the world’s first supermodel), it’s still extremely egotistical and repetitive and it seems like Janice is more trying to convince herself of the fact than her readers. In addition to this, Janice contradicts herself quite often (sometimes contradicting what she has said in other interviews, sometimes contradicting something she’s said earlier in the same book), cuts herself off before finishing a thought (in talking about what she eats each day, she inexplicably ends before talking about dinner) and jumps from subject to subject like a madwoman.

Janice has been a successful woman, that is an indisputable fact. However, this does not make her an authority on everything it takes to be perfect, as she seems to think and uses as a platform for this book. In fact, Janice’s self esteem seems to be the fakest thing about her (her insecurities shine through on almost every page). Though it is occasionally amusing and often interesting, Everything About Me is Fake has far too many faults and concentrates too much on ill-given advice for it to be truly worthwhile.

© 2005 by Angela McQuay for curledup.com.

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