There’s no way around it: dating today is tough. And once you have a few bad experiences under your belt, old habits set in, undermining self-esteem and the confidence to plunge back into the dating scene. The authors of Why You’re Still Single seek to remedy these dating doldrums, attacking the problem from the male and female perspective, helpful suggestions on turning negatives into positive, mutually reinforcing attributes.

For example: Listen to your feelings; trust your intuition and don’t be blinded by your desire for a relationship before you vet the emotional availability and responses of the other person. That person cannot fulfill all your emotional needs and shouldn’t be expected to bear that burden. Take a reading of the other person’s availability and emotional maturity and don’t expect to change them as time goes on.

This well-plotted guide attempts to dissect the common stereotypical negatives and reframe them into positive, action-oriented approaches, each chapter dealing with particular obstacles, the male and female responses to overcoming common problems in a manner that is empowering and personally instructive. But it is your journey in the end.

Linda Holmes is Paula Abdul to Evan Marc Katz’s Simon Cowell. Paula, er, Linda tempers every blunt statement of Evan’s, phrasing her comments into female-friendly advice that is relatable, even to the most stubborn lady. This isn’t a competition; it’s a journey, one that offers many helpful lessons sans defenses. Both authors, male and female, perceive the obstacles, the Venus and Mars approach, writing with an eye to solutions.

Each issue is discussed conversationally in the contemporary rhetoric of today’s dating scene. Clearly, these are commonsense approaches, a little help sorting through the baggage of old behavior. The remarks may be couched in yin and yang, but the intent is the same, a fresh look at the dating scene, armed with the tools for a successful endeavor.

The topics are spicy: The Desperation Tango, Women Who Hate Men Who Hate Women, Everything You Say Can and Will Be Used against You, Good Girls Don’t and Deal Breakers, to name but a few. Plainspoken and to the point, the guide is simple, practical, and above all, positive, the message invaluable, not to mention entertaining.

Other worthwhile suggestions: Desperation is a recipe for failure - don’t set a wedding date the first time you meet him; Don’t generalize - “all men are dogs.” Treat each new date as an individual, not a means to an end. Insecurity is unattractive; instead, learn to know and love yourself to attract a like-minded person (we attract what we are). And don’t mistake emotional clutter for emotional complexity! Too tall an order? Not if you are stuck in a rut with no end in sight. There are enough small gems in these pages to reinvigorate even the most pitiful dating repertoire. It’s all in the perspective.