The number of new vampire-themed stories being published each month seems to continue to increase; consequently, all the amusing book titles have already been snapped up. "Real Vamps Don't Drink O-Neg" is the rather clumsy title for a book which doesn't ever discuss O-Neg, or even what 'real vampires' are, apart from the fact that in the story heroine Sophie Hahn doesn't believe in them, or in anything else unusual. That is, until she discovers that the new wife of her friend Dao seems to have shed a snake scale. Fortunately her boss knows all about this kind of thing: Dao's wife is a Lamia (a snake-like vampire) who is sucking the life out of Dao. There's only one way to rescue Dao, and that's with some strange ancient Hebrew artifacts, so Sophie goes to her local library to look them up.
There she bumps into Ric Vogel (another German avian surname, 'Hahn' meaning cockerel and 'Vogel' meaning bird) who is a College Professor and rather dishy. He already has the book she needs in his hands and won't give it up, so she ends up agreeing to go for a drink with him. However, a scary experience of a vampire biting her during the night forces her to reconsider her preconceptions about supernatural creatures, and she ends up teaming up with Ric to find the artifacts. There's more to Ric than first meets the eye, however, and soon Sophie finds herself caught between trusting two vampires who keep secrets from her.
The underlying plot (searching for the Hebrew artifacts) becomes secondary at times to the sex scenes, then picked up again. Neither Sophie nor Ric seem to have a great deal going for them except for physical attributes and, in Sophie's case, bravery (foolhardiness?) The book never really grabbed my attention, and the characters seemed too shallow. The final denouement is a damp squib with a few attempts at plot twists that don't really feel comfortable. It seems the real point of the book is the sex scenes, some of which contained elements that many traditional readers of paranormal romances might find distasteful. Perhaps the book might have been more successful had it tried to include a little of the humor of the title or, alternatively, concentrated more on the plot and characterization and less on descriptions of sex acts.