The Power of Positive Confrontation
Barbara Pachter
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Life is full of sticky situations, with difficult conversations, and loaded with confrontation. How do you handle these situations, conversations, and confrontations? When someone’s behavior is bothering you--be it a relative, coworker or neighbor--what do you say to that person?
Designed by two experts (Pachter is a noted business etiquette and communications coach, and Magee is an author and assistant professor of communications), this book is a step-by-step guide to confronting without exploding. Its subtitle tells the whole story: “The skills you need to handle conflicts at work, at home, online and in life.” Anyone looking for a way to deal with unpleasant situations (with a sassy teen, selfish mother-in-law, attention-hogging teammate, undermining co-worker) should be able to find some answers here. Using real-life examples and dialogs along with bulleted points that make it easy to refer back to significant blocks of text, the authors have assembled a useful manual with a feedback loop. It’s the kind of book that you could discreetly leave in the breakroom at work, for example.
Consider WACing
the next time you are experiencing a negative relationship or a dysfunctional
situation that is keeping work/change from happening. WAC is a model used
throughout the book, a simple three-letter strategy: What, Ask, and Check-in.
“What” defines what’s really bothering you; “Ask” allows you to suggest what the
person on the other end of that disruptive situation could or should do to
improve the relationship; and “Check in” is your way of preemptively deflecting an aggressive reaction by calling for a new positive plan of action. “Don’t attack ’em, Wac ’em.” WACing by email can be an effective tactic if you fear that a face-to-face meeting would prompt aggression.
Sending a real letter may sometimes be appropriate too, because, as we all know, it’s easy to wing off an email in haste and repent, or regret, at leisure. The beauty of WACing is that it requires a plan, and as such, can make even a brief email more effective.
The authors describe certain kinds of personalities—wimps, bullies, bigmouths, jerks—and suggest ways to deal with them using the WAC techniques. They also tell you how to react when you get WACed: apologize outright; give the answer that is expected; or, my favorite, maintain positive non-verbal behavior, through stance and inner strength (for me, this has included simply not answering a WAC-ky email right away, giving the sender time to percolate while I maintain mysterious silence.).
I have decided to take The Power of Positive Confrontation to work and set it on my desk, to provoke curiosity while I re-read it and try to practice its recommendations with my (wonderful) colleagues. I may even lend it to my boss!
Originally published on Curled Up With A Good Book at www.curledup.com. © Barbara Bamberger Scott, 2015
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