Since it seems so well-established that “he’s just not that into you,” Dr. Ian Kerner took a hiatus from his next book (He Comes Next) to deliver a rebuttal that addresses the weakness and misleading ideas presented in He’s Just Not That Into You and other relationship books. From the start, Kerner establishes distinct differences in his approach from many others, addressing the implied passivity of women in the dating scene and seeking to empower them.
He’s not acting as the male spokesman and saying, “When I say blue, I really mean red, or when I say cat, I really mean dog.” Instead, he wants women to look inside themselves to decide what they want and make sure they are getting it. He advocates, like others, not to lower your standards, but he doesn’t waste time on “in-the-meantime” relationships unless they are really providing something worthwhile beyond a warm body to be comfortable with. He goes farther with his ideas and acknowledges that the differences and problems between men and women are potentially caused by both parties.
In this audiobook, he is addressing women. As the title can be seen (in direct contrast to a previous book), Kerner encourages women to stop trying to interpret their man or look for a set of rules to follow, rather helping women evaluate their own wants and needs. Instead of worrying about rejection or interpreting signs, Kerner provides women with a variety of tools and explanations that they can use to assess their happiness and their situation. You have options; you don’t have to settle.
Kerner goes farther than grilling women about their dating options: he encourages singlehood. That is, he reminds listeners that it is okay to be single. You’re not a freak if you choose not to choose or play the game. But, unfortunately, his open mindedness doesn’t stretch too far and delivers a poor assessment of online dating that divulges his outsider status in this regard.
Just as in He's Just Not That Into You, the author implies that a man is self-confident, assured and knows exactly the right way to treat a woman he is pursuing romantically. But let's not kid ourselves; males can be (and often are) just as dumbfounded, uncertain and lost about themselves and who they are dating as women--particularly in the last decade where the male image has been manipulated to the point that men, too, face poor self-image issues and eating disorders.
Despite that, this audiobook delivers a stronger, more relevant message than many other titles in the “relationship” section of your local bookstore. In fact, anyone who thought He’s Just Not That Into You provided any good information should definitely give this title a listen for a balanced perspective. Like all relationship books, it can’t be applied across the board, but for those to whome it does apply, it certainly does provide keen insight.